Hearing Test and Urine Sample

Warning:  The second half of this blog entry contains info on certain body parts that might be considered graphic.  Or funny.  Or both.  Either way, it's real.  Can't make this stuff up.  Maybe it's potentially graphic just cause I don't know what those body parts are that are mentioned in the documents below.  I don't want to assume that the subject is okay with all parents and more importantly, their kids.  Please preview before letting your teen read this.

Anyway, another annual flight physical done.  As part of the physical, I get an eye exam, EKG, blood drawn, HIV test, shots, audiology exam and a once over with a flight surgeon.  BTW, I really don't like that audiology exam.  They sit you down in this quiet booth with some very uncomfortable headphones on and a little clicker in your hand with a red button.  Seriously, the "foam" material on the headphones is like a dang brick pressed up against your ears.  You're supposed to push the red button every time you hear a series of three beeps.  The problem is, it's easy to get distracted by the rustling of your clothes, the other guys sitting next to you taking the test, your own breathing, the sound of your own heartbeat and the dudes in the hallway yapping their gums.  I end up having to time my breathing so I can hear the beeps as best as I can.  It's just a painful couple of minutes in that booth.  I swear I fell asleep once during the hearing test.  Either that or I momentarily blacked out from holding my breath.  Not cool.  Just to let you quiet talkers know, I'm half deaf cause of all the jet noise over the last 15+ years.  It definitely takes its toll.  If I ask you to repeat yourself during a conversation, please understand that my ears are a little more than challenged.  Carrier aviation will do that to you.

There's also the urine sample during the flight physical.  Check out what was hanging on the wall in the urine sample room during my most recent physical.  To make reading it easier, you'll have to click on it to enlarge it:

Instructions for males

A couple of observations with these instructions:

- One day we'll live in a world where we don't need separate instructions for the circumcised and uncircumcised.  I can dream.

- With step 3, are they saying to stop peeing mid-stream and then pee in the cup?  I think it's easier to get a date with Angelina Jolie than to stop and start like that.  I'm guessing they don't want the first droplets of pee in the cup because they might be contaminated or something?  First pee = bad pee?  I had no idea.

- Also with step 3.  I'm glad this step told me not to stick my finger in the pee cup, cause that's my first instinct after peeing in the cup - to stick my finger in the pee.

Instructions for females

- With step 1, "Swing on knee to the side" - peeing, swinging - sounds extremely complicated.  

- Again with step 3.  So you're swinging on a knee, peeing mid-stream and holding a cup on the outside - all without seeing what's happening, right?  If it's a dirty toilet seat, I'm guessing you're doing the helicopter hover technique too so as not to make physical contact with the seat.  That's Houdini-esque.  Ladies, you've got my respect.

For males and females, circumcised and uncircumcised, I never knew the urine collection process could be so complicated.  Silly me, I thought the instructions should have read, "Pee in cup.  Period."  I should just be grateful that there wasn't an observer looking over my shoulder the whole time checking out my junk while I was doing my thing.  That's intimidating.  You know, not cause of the nakedness thing but cause of peeing only 29 milliliters vice the mandatory 30 milliliters.  Embarrassing.  I think the observers were too busy yapping their gums in the hallway near the audiology booth.

Side note - there was nobody in the hall making noise, not at this hospital anyway.  I'm just rambling for effect, although the loud people in the hallway thing has happened in the past during previous hearing exams back in the US.  And yes, I'm guessing the "swing on knee" thing is a typo.  Just saying.

BTW - I got an "A" on my urine test, first pee droplets and all.  

Purses

One thing I am still not cool with in Korea is carrying Carol's purse.  Although I've seen a lot of Korean men doing this for their wives and girlfriends, I'm still not ready to make that leap.  I get the occasional "look" from Carol because of this shortcoming.

We saw this guy during a family outing at Taejongdae, a beautiful cliffside park in Busan.  I had a dozen man card and Fresca jokes to insert here but it's just way too easy.  Guys - am I wrong here?  Is there anything wrong with me not wanting to carry a ladies' purse, even for a nano-second?

Now my camera bag man purses, that's another story...

Coke in Korea

When the Cruz family of 4 goes out to dinner at a Korean restaurant and we order Coke, they usually bring this out:

One bottle of Coke and 4 glasses

The restaurant folks assume our entire family will split the one bottle.  That's just the way they think here.  It's a far cry from the 32 ounce Big Gulp soda you get in the US from 7-11.  It's also one of the reasons why you don't see too many huge obese Koreans walking around here.  It's a pretty darn healthy country.

Now drinking liquor, that's another story...  

Patrick Star

Unless you're Al Qaeda living in a cave, you know who this lovable and not-so-bright starfish is.  Spongebob Squarepants' best buddy - Patrick Star.

Did you know that Patrick is voiced by the blonde guy from the "Coach" comedy show?

So I saw this on a package of dried squid the other day.  Hmm...Patrick's long lost cousin maybe?  Uncanny.  

Male Grocery Shopping

This is what happens when I go grocery shopping:

Not the normal stuff you find at Home Plus, E-Mart or Mega Mart here in Korea.  Gotta love the base commissary for various forms of fat pills.  For the record, I haven't eaten a Twinkie in years.

Two of the products pictured are pretty amazing.  The "Bagelfuls" already have cream cheese inside the bagel thing.  The "Uncrustables" already have peanut butter and jelly inside the bread.  Like I said, amazing.  These products remind me of "Goober," the peanut butter and jelly - wait for it - that are in the same jar.  You never know when you'll be sitting around the house hungry.  Man, I could use a sandwich but I only have the energy to open one jar.  I ain't got time to be opening two jars.  Bam!  Peanut butter and jelly in one jar.

I can't claim this one.  For full details, youtube Brian Regan and peanut butter and jelly.  Pretty funny stuff.

CJ loves those Little Debbie brownies.  He'll eat the whole box if we let him.  If you want to hear a funny story and have ready access to a Cruz, ask them about the Little Debbie brownies and the "Greedy B."  Leo, if you're reading this, I have to tell you that we still get a kick out of that story.  Until next time -- C2

Carol's Cooking

Not sure what I ever did to deserve someone that can cook up a storm like Carol.  Not only is her cooking incredible but its the heart that goes along with her cooking.  For example, if she finds out it's your birthday, she'll cake you.  Carrot cake, pineapple upside down cake, dump cake, angel food cake, etc.  Her recent trend is to brownie people.  See previous post.

Anyway, for my birthday she tiramisu'd me.  I know.  I'm butchering this whole grammar thing with my noun-verb usage.

Here's the last piece of my birthday tiramisu - better known as a small chunk of heavenly mascarpone, coffee and lady finger goodness.

I mean for real, who even knows how to make tiramisu?  I'm talking for real, not the urbanized recipe of:

1. Drive to Costco

2. Buy tiramisu

3. Remove lid without getting a paper cut

The other day, Carol busted out these Vietnamese style spring rolls.  They were amazing.  Peanut sauce and all.  She also cooks a couple of Mom's Filipino dishes like pancit, lumpia and caldareta.  Please don't pass this along to my Mom, but my nephew Brandon even said that Carol's beef and broccoli is better than Mom's.  Blasphemy!

The point of this blog entry wasn't to brag on Carol's cooking skills...well, actually it was.  I'm just so inspired by the heart that she puts into her cooking.  Whether it's making spaghetti for International Day at school, baked goods for the PTA fundraiser, mexican food for the Cinco de Mayo get together, cooking up a storm for the various church functions or just having some of the geo bachelors over the house, she's just so generous with her cooking.  When I was the Maintenance Officer at one of my old squadrons, Carol even cooked special meals for all of my troops - for no reason whatsoever.  The guys working the night shift really appreciated her kind gesture.  They sometimes feel like they're forgotten.  She would take turns taking requests from the various shops.  Whether it was pasta for the jet engine mechanics or pot roast for the electricians, they all seemed to like the home cooked meals.  

The other thing is this.  I've done the last minute dinner invitation thing for various Mr. Big Pants over the years.  Carol has always responded with grace in these types of situations.  She knows she can tell me to pack sand but she rarely does.  I know a lot of spouses wouldn't be so understanding about the last minute guest thing.

So the only negative to Carol's total kitchen domination is the extra poundage that girdles my loins.  Hey, I'll take it.  Thank you Carol for feeding us Cruz boys so well.  Little did I know that cute smile, curly locks and southern drawl that I married over 16 years ago would turn out to be such a maven in the kitchen.  Hate to think what you could do with a double oven.  Watch out!  Until next time -- C2

Carol's Brownies

Carol's brownies are quite the hit here in Korea.  I'm biased but I think they'd be a hit in the US too.  Carol's had several Korean and international friends over the house to teach them how to make her homemade brownies.  She'll go out and buy all the ingredients and measuring cups and make sure her friends get properly schooled up in the art of brownie making.  Then Carol will send the measuring cups, brownie making paraphernalia, and of course the brownies themselves home as gifts for her friends.  For Chuseok, Lunar New Year and all of the pigging out Korean holidays, it's a real nice treat for these Korean ladies to make something special for their family members.

Jake requested brownies for his birthday dessert.

Carol made a bunch of brownies for the Busan International Women's Association (BIWA) Christmas Bazaar.  This is their biggest fundraiser of the year.  Every time there's an event at school, a get together at someone's house, a full moon, a month ending in the letter "R", or a day ending in the letter "Y", Carol gets asked to make brownies.


Here's a quick story of brownie love:

This is during Staff Sergeant Soto-Perez's farewell.  Not the most flattering picture but there is a tongue reference in this story.  Carol baked some brownies for the party and she made some extras for Soto to take home.  Well...

Kemmeh on the left loves Carol's brownies.  Even though it was Soto's farewell, she wanted the brownies for herself.  In a vain attempt to establish ownership, Kemmeh enthusiastically licked the brownies.  Did this deter Soto?  Hecks no!  He still claimed the brownies, saliva and all.  Being the gentleman that he is, I heard he and Kemmeh came to a mutually agreeable solution.  Either that or Soto was reminded that Kemmeh's husband is bigger than him.

I'm thinking Kim Jong Il and President Lee Myung Bak could try their hand at brownie diplomacy.  Sanctions, shmanctions.  How about world peace through brownies?  Just saying.  C2

p.s. shoot me an email if you want the recipe